its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize