were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
