Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We have started to decorate penises.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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