just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize