Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
