thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
