I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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