Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
