Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
