Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
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