She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's never too late to be topless.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
