Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
