"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
