I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
