drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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