he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
