oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
