I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
it's like iHOP with fire
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
