ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Randomize
