this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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