I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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