I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
