She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
