I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
