the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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