I just made out with a guy for $7.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
