i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize