It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
