So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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