you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
