dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
