I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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