Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
