Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize