It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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