he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
