The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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