needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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