what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
