The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
