I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
