omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
