Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
