ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
