We named our party play list daddy issues
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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