he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
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