why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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