just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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