Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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