Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
