I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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