Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
