you guys were way drunker than both of me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize