Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
