I'm going to jail i love you
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
