I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
