Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
