Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
