I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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