He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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