Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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