You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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