Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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