Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
