I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
