6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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