Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
