Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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