Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
