I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
