i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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