The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The Olympian is in my bed
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
