I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
