I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
