your thong is hanging out like whoa
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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