Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This is the high leading the old right now
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
