Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize