Cold hands, warm shart.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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