watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
