drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize