I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
