yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Can I color on your dick again?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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