and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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