Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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