There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
