I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
