matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
