Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
