he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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