Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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