In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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