We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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