you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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