I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
