Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize