dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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