UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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