Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
