I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
