It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
a search helicopter?!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
