Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize