we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
