if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
